For most of us, bereavement will be the most distressing experience we will ever face. Grief is what we feel when somebody we are close to dies. Everyone experiences grief differently and there is no normal or right way to grieve. This section explains how you may feel when you lose someone close to you.
· Feelings when someone dies
Shock: It may take you a long time to grasp what has happened. The shock can make you numb, and some people at first carry on as if nothing has happened. It is hard to believe that someone important is not coming back. Many people feel disorientated - as if they have lost their place and purpose in life or are living in a different world.
Pain: Feelings of pain and distress following bereavement can be overwhelming and very frightening.
Anger: Sometimes bereaved people can feel angry. This anger is a completely natural emotion, typical of the grieving process. Death can seem cruel and unfair, especially when you feel someone has died before their time or when you had plans for the future together. We may also feel angry towards the person who has died, or angry at ourselves for things we did or didnrsquo;t do or say to the person before their death.
Guilt: Guilt is another common reaction. People who have been bereaved of someone close often say they feel directly or indirectly to blame for the personrsquo;s death. You may also feel guilt if you had a difficult or confusing relationship with the person who has died, or if you feel you didnrsquo;t do enough to help them when they were alive.
Depression: Many bereaved people experience feelings of depression following the death of someone close. Life can feel like it no longer holds any meaning and some people say they too want to die.
Longing: Thinking you are hearing or seeing someone who has died is a common experience and can happen when you least expect it. You may find that you cant stop thinking about the events leading up to the death. 'Seeing' the person who has died and hearing their voice can happen because the brain is trying to process the death and acknowledge the finality of it.
Other peoples reactions: One of the hardest things to face when we are bereaved is the way other people react to us. They often do not know what to say or how to respond to our loss. Because they dont know what to say or are worried about saying the wrong thing, people can avoid those who have lost someone. This is hard for us because we may well want to talk about the person who has died. It can become especially hard as time goes on and other peoples memories of the person who has died fade.
· How to help someone bereaved
If you know someone who is grieving the death of someone close you may wonder how best to support them. Read on for some suggestions of what to say and do.
People who have been bereaved may want to talk about the person who has died. One of the most helpful things you can do is simply listen, and give them time and space to grieve. Offering specific practical help, not vague general offers, can also be very helpful.
Do:
- Be there for the person who is grieving - pick up the phone, write a letter or an email, call by or arrange to visit.
- Accept that everyone grieves in their own way, there is no normal way.
- Encourage the person to talk.
- Listen to the person.
- Create an environment in which the bereaved person can be themselves and show their feelings, rather than having to put on a front.
- Be aware that grief can take a long time.
- Contact the person at difficult times such as special anniversaries and birthdays.
- Mention useful support agencies such as Cruse Bereavement Care.
- Offer useful practical help.
Dont:
- Avoid someone who has been bereaved.
- Use clicheacute;s such as I understand how you feel; Youll get over it ; Time heals.
- Tell them its time to move on, they should be over it - how long a person needs to grieve is entirely individual.
- Be alarmed if the bereaved person doesnrsquo;t want to talk or demonstrates anger.
- Underestimate how emotionally draining it can be when supporting a grieving person. Make sure you take care of yourself too.
Supporting yourself
It is important that you take care of yourself following a bereavement.
One of the most helpful things is to talk about the person who has died and your relationship with them. Who you talk to will depend on you. It may be your family, friends, a faith/spiritual adviser, your GP or a support organisation.
Dohellip;..
- Talk to other people about the person who has died, about your memories and your feelings.
- Look after yourself. Eat properly and try to get enough rest (even if you canrsquo;t sleep).
- Give yourself time and permission to grieve.
- Seek help and support if you feel you need it.
- Tell people what you need.
Donrsquo;thellip;.
- Isolate yourself (unless you have to, eg due to illness).
- Keep your emotions bottled up.
- Think you are weak for needing help.
- Feel guilty if you are struggling to cope.
- Rely on drugs or alcohol – the relief will only be temporary
Coping and adapting
When someone close to us dies we have to cope and adjust to living in a world which is irreversibly changed. We may have to let go of some dreams built up and shared with the person who has died.
The length of time it will take a person to accept the death of someone close and move forward is varied and will be unique to the mourner. How we react will be influenced by many different things, including:
- age
- personality
- cultural background
- religious beliefs
-
previous experiences of b
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对于我们大多数人来说,丧亲之痛是我们将要面对的最痛苦的经历。当我们亲近的人去世时,我们会感到悲伤。每个人经历的悲伤都不同,没有所谓“正常”或“正确”的方式去缓解悲伤,这解释了当你失去亲近的人时你的感受。
· 当某人去世时的感觉
震惊:你可能需要很长时间才能理解发生了什么。这种震惊会让你麻木,有些人一开始好像什么都没发生过一样,很难相信一个重要的人不会回来了。许多人感到迷失方向——仿佛他们失去了生活的位置和目标,或者生活在一个不同的世界里。
痛苦:丧亲之痛带来的痛苦和悲伤可能是巨大的,非常可怕的。
愤怒:有时候失去亲人的人会感到愤怒。这种愤怒是一种完全自然的情绪,是悲伤过程中的典型表现。死亡可能看起来残酷和不公平,尤其是当你觉得某人在他们应当死去的时间之前死去,或者当你们一起计划未来的时候。我们也可能对死去的人感到愤怒,或者对我们自己在他们死前做过或没做过的事情以及对他们说过的话感到愤怒。
内疚:内疚是另一种常见的反应。那些失去亲人的人通常会说,他们直接或间接地认为自己应该为这个人的死亡负责。如果你和死去的人之间的关系很复杂,或者你觉得在他们活着的时候没有尽力帮助他们,你也会感到内疚。
抑郁症:许多失去亲人的人在亲人去世后都会有抑郁的感觉。可能感觉生活不再有任何意义,有些人说他们也想死。
渴望: 想象你听到了或者看到了某个已经死去的人是一种常见的经历,并且可能在你最意想不到的时候发生。 你可能会发现你无法停止思考导致死亡的事件。 “看到”死去的人并听到他们的声音,是因为大脑正试图处理死亡并承认死亡的这个事实。
别人的反应:当我们失去亲人时,最难面对的事情之一就是别人对我们的反应。 他们往往不知道该说什么,或者如何回应我们的悲伤,因为他们不知道说什么或担心说错话。人们可以避免接触那些失去亲人的人,但这对我们来说很难,因为我们可能很想谈论死去的人。随着时间的推移,其他人对死者的记忆会逐渐消失,这会变得尤为困难。
· 如何帮助失去亲人的人
如果你知道某人正在为亲人的去世而悲伤,你可能会想知道如何最好地支持他们。继续读下去,你可以得到一些关于该说什么和该做什么的建议。
失去亲人的人可能想谈论死者。你能做的最有用的事情之一就是倾听,给他们时间和空间去悲伤。提供具体的实际帮助,而不是模糊的一般提供,也可以是非常有帮助的。
应该做的:
bull;陪伴悲伤的人——拿起电话,写封信或电子邮件,打电话或安排探望。
bull;承认每个人都会以自己的方式悲伤,没有“正常”的方式。
bull;鼓励对方说话。
bull;倾听对方。
bull;创造一个环境,让失去亲人的人可以做自己,表达自己的感受,而不是装模作样。
bull;要意识到悲伤可能会持续很长时间。
bull;在特殊的纪念日和生日等困难时刻与对方联系。
bull;提及有用的支助机构,如克鲁斯丧亲护理机构。
bull;提供有用的实际帮助。
不应该做的:
bull;避开那些失去亲人的人。
bull;使用诸如“我理解你的感受”、“你会克服它的”、“时间会治愈一切”等陈词滥调。
bull;告诉他们是时候继续生活了,他们应该放下过去——一个人需要悲伤多久完全是个人的事情。
bull;如果失去亲人的人不想说话或表现出愤怒,要警惕。
我们往往低估了在支持一个悲伤的人的时候,情绪的流失是多么的巨大。确保你也要照顾好自己。
· 照顾好自己
在丧亲之后照顾好自己是很重要的。最有帮助的事情之一就是谈论死去的人以及你和他们的关系。你和谁说话取决于你自己,可能是你的家人、朋友、信仰 / 精神导师、你的全科医生或者相关组织。
应该做的:
bull;与其他人谈论死去的人,谈论你的记忆和感受。
bull;照顾好自己。合理饮食,尽量充分休息(即使你无法入睡)。
bull;给自己一些时间,允许自己去悲伤。
bull;如果你觉得需要,就寻求帮助和支持。
bull;告诉人们你需要什么。
不应该做的:
bull;隔离自己(除非迫不得已)。
bull;把你的情绪憋在心里。
bull;认为自己需要帮助是软弱的表现。
bull;因为努力地应对悲伤情绪而感到内疚。
bull;依赖药物或酒精——纾缓只会是暂时的
· 应对和适应
当我们身边的人去世时,我们不得不应对并适应生活在一个不可逆转的世界里。我们可能不得不放弃一些建立起来的梦想,与死去的人分享这些梦想。
一个人接受亲人的死亡并继续前进所需的时间是不同的,对于哀悼者来说也是独一无二的。我们的反应会受到很多不同因素的影响,包括:
bull;年龄
bull;性格
bull;文化背景
bull;宗教信仰
bull;过去的丧亲经历
bull;生活环境
没有人能告诉你悲伤的强度如何或何时会减轻,只有你自己知道这种情况何时会发生。对于那些失去亲人的人来说,他们认为自己最终会接受死亡,但却在亲人死后不久经历了强烈而不受欢迎的情绪,这种情况并不少见。
丧亲之后,生活再也不会像从前那样了,但是悲伤和痛苦会减轻。总有一天,你会适应、调整并应对没有死者的生活。丧亲之痛被比作失去肢体的痛苦,我们可以适应没有肢体的生活,但我们仍然会感觉到它的缺失。当一个我们亲近的人去世时,我们可以再次找到生命的意义,但不会忘记他们对我们的意义。
许多人担心他们会忘记那个已经死去的人,他们的样子,他们的声音,或者和他们一起度过的美好时光。然而,有很多方法可以让他们的记忆保持鲜活。
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